Paco-chan is waiting for me in a low stance. I am going to get on her back gently.
Alas! I slide down from her back and get down to the wire mesh with a thud.
Paco-chan gets surprised and looks back. Then she understands the reason.

I try to get on her back again, and slide down to the mesh again. I try it again and again.
Paco-chan knows my handicap well. Therefore she is cooperating with me in order for me to succeed. It continues over and over almost forever.

Paco-chan was patient. She cooperated with me for a long time. I finally gave up myself at last.
I did not mind my feathers and my feet oozing with blood. But I tried to use up all my energy. Paco-chan seemed to be really sorry.
I couldn't say any more words than "I love Paco-chan."
She seemed sad still remaining in a low stance.

Oka-san is talking to Oto-san.
"They will succeed in the future for sure."
"Yes, for sure," Oto-san agrees, adding,
"Pea-chan is wise and Paco-chan is really cooperating with him."
But they look worried.

How many days have passed since then? We have been trying again and again everyday.
I could not succeed by a small margin. That's because my feet finally could not endure it.
My left foot manages to stand firm with the nail grown at the ankle. But regrettably the right foot is hopeless. It looks better than the left foot, but actually it is paralyzed from the joint. Therefore the right foot easilly and naturally slides down from Paco-chan's back along the slope.
My left foot cannot complement my weak right foot. Even if I am balanced on her back, I cannot resist falling down as soon as I start the next step. It's the same, every time.
Paco-chan is feeling sorry for me, but regrettably I cannot do anything.

For days I have been in disappointment, shame and sorrow. I thank Paco-chan. She does not show her unsatisfactory face nor does she get angry, when I fail again and again. She looks just happy being with me.

Though our dream does not come true, Paco-chan is willing to accept my try.
Both of us, in fact, know we cannot produce a baby. My try is the sign of our love. Therefore it is not necessary for me to appologize. I am now not ashamed.
Paco-chan is continuing to encourage me and comfort me after each failure. As I mastered how to fall down, the blood doesn't ooze any more.

"Paco-chan, this is your nesting box."
Oka-san entered a tiny wooden box into our birdcage. I understand her feeling all right, but ......

Paco-chan became to enter it and lay eggs as large as marbles one after another.
Her stomach swells everyday. She enters into the wooden nesting box and stays there.
"Gu- gu-," talks she to me.
I always answer her from outside.
"Paco-chan daisuki. Daisuki-dayo." (I love you, Paco-chan. I love you very much).

Her stomach is flat when she gets out of the nesting box. Then she snuggles up to me and requests food and preening.
When she is satisfied with plenty of food and soft preening, she is willing to do what I like.
Our talk is like this.
Paco-chan: "Gu-, pi pi."
Myself: "Paco-chan daisuki. Pea-chan iiko dayo." (I love Paco-chan. I am a good boy.)
Paco-chan: "Pi pi pi, pi pi."

Our sincere desire is a miracle. Paco-chan is warming her eggs in the box, while I am watching her beside it. She will surely give birth to the eggs.

Oto-san and Oka-san take turns coming to see us.
When Paco-chan is outside the nesting box, Oka-san sometimes is going to open it with her hand into our birdcage.
Paco-chan glares at her, murmuring,
"Zee zee, zee zee."
I immediately go to her hand to peck.
Oka-san frowns and says,
"Paco-chan has Mama's gentleness and Pea-chan is manly. But Paco-chan is poor if the nesting box is always dirty, isn't she, Pea-chan?"
Oto-san agrees and says,
"In addition, it is must in order for the eggs to hatch well."

Oka-san opens the nesting box dodging my pecking and cries.
"Surprise! Many eggs here today, too. There is no space for Paco-chan. Look, Oto-san."
Oto-san gets closer.
"Let me see. Only eggs.... I wish at least one hatched."
"Me too. Just one is good enough for now."
Oka-san looks disappointed.
Oto-san: "I am sorry for Pea-chan for what I did at that time. Unless I moved my chair....."
Oka-san: "It's not. Unless I opened the accordion curtain while I fried oysters....."
Oto-san: "I really wish them to continue to try."
Oka-san: "Yes, me too."

I know both of them have a wish even if the chance is slight. I feel sorry, but I don't think we can meet their wish. I want a miracle. I pray to God for a miracle.

-----
There is something wrong about Paco-chan. She doesn't like the preening nowadays nor does she care of me.
She is confined in the nesting box almost all day. When getting out of it, she seems to feel cold with her feathers fuzzy.

" Paco-chan, daisuki. Pea-chan iiko-dayo." (I love you, Paco-chan. I am a good boy).
When I talk to her like this, she ignores me looking aside. When I repeat it over, she expresses her dislike mumbling "zee zee."
Because of no preening by me, she looks worse than usual. And she does not seem to mind it. She looks lonely though I am with her. She gets into the nesting box right away.

Opening the nesting box, Oka-san talks to Oto-san.
"Something wrong about Paco-chan. Her feathers are fuzzy and she holds the old eggs the whole time."
Oto-san says staring at Paco-chan.
"Nnnn-n. Strange. She doesn't look to resist your hand."
He continues to talk to Oka-san.
"Isn't it better to take the nesting box away? To lay eggs only makes her weaker and weaker, doesn't it?"
Oka-san agrees.
"I'll do it. We have to give up their babies."

The nesting box was taken away. The birdcage was cleaned. Paco-chan laid a couple of eggs on the wire mesh.
Closing her eyes, she swells her feathers and stands still. Even when she opens her eyes, she keeps looking aside with blank eyes.

Oto-san: "It is really strange about Paco-chan. Could you take her to the doctor?"
Oka-san: "Yes, I'll do it. Today is Saturday, so I'll take her there next Monday."
Oto-san: "Please do so. Pea-chan seems very lonely."
Oka-san: "True. Paco-chan, please recover your good health. I wish you will soon come back to be an intimate friend with Pea-chan."

Regrettably I do not have anything to do myself. She eats only a little bit of food from my mouth-to-mouth, and doesn't like me to talk to her looking down with her eyes closed.

I was brought here before old enough to remember my mother. Therefore Paco-chan is not only my girl friend but my gentle mother.
In fact she takes good care of me in various ways. While preening me, she holds me with the motherly love. Closing my eyes, I see Paco-chan as my girl friend and also my mother in my heart.
I wish Paco-chan will get well soon.

"Oka-san! Paco-chan is dead!" Oto-san' sad voice laments.
"What ever did you say?" Oka-san is startled in her voice.
Oto-san: "She is already stiffened. She supposedly died during the night. Sorry for her and Pea-chan."
Oka-san: "I am so sorry. I was about to take her to the doctor this morning."
Oto-san: "You are lonely, Pea-chan. Paco-chan went away."
Oka-san: "You have been truly intimate friends and lovers. I understand your lonely feeling, Pea-chan."

I had noticed her death before the dawn. I had finished the farewell to her. I am now trying to overcome with loneliness.

I ask myself if I made her really happy. Was she really happy with me? Couldn't I make her happier? I might have made her happier much more, because I was absolutely the happiest with her.
Now, I only talk to myself.
"Paco-chan daisuki. Paco-chan daisuki. Daisuki-dayo." (I love Paco-chan. I love you Paco-chan very much.)

-----
Paco-chan is resting in peace in the flowerpot on the balcony.
Oto-san and Oka-san are talking to each other, while looking at me in the cage.
Oto-san: "You are lonely, Pea-chan. Paco-chan was your intimate friend. You loved her very much."
Oka-san: "It's true. Pea-chan loved Paco-chan very much."
Oto-san: "I wonder how he is going to get along from now on."
Oka-san: "Yes, I do, too."

I have to be patient for a while. I pray for Paco-chan in the flowerpot again and again.
She is alive in my heart. I don't envy sparrows and birds outside from now on. My heart will be with Paco-chan forever.